Building Strong Relationships Between Engineering and Design
The Foundation
In my experience, the two tactics that have worked best in forging strong engineering–design relationships are investing in shared language and practicing inclusion.
Shared language means we can talk clearly about the same constraints, trade-offs, and technical challenges. Inclusion means giving engineers a voice in product and design strategy—not just inviting them to the meeting, but making real space for them to contribute.
Over time, I’ve developed a simple framework for building impactful relationships:
- Set expectations
- Understand each other’s motivators
- Achieve together
“The best engineering relationships I’ve had were never about the delegation of solutions. They were about understanding one another and sharing a worldview.”
Step 1: Set Expectations
When Alex (not his real name) joined my team as a new engineering manager, my PM partner Nina (also not her real name) and I already had a rhythm for bi-weekly strategy sessions.
From the beginning, I made it clear that Alex would be included in these sessions—not just to observe, but to participate. That expectation set the tone: he wasn’t just there to execute, he was there to shape strategy with us.
Step 2: Understand Motivators
Rather than rushing him into process, I spent time learning what motivated Alex. What did he care about? Where did he find energy? What did he see as his responsibility?
It became clear that efficiency and scale were what lit him up. As an engineering leader, he wanted to make systems run better and remove waste. That gave us an opening to align strategy with his core motivators.
Step 3: Achieve Together
Strategically, we identified a major opportunity: migrating from two code bases to one. It was exactly the kind of efficiency play Alex cared about, but instead of treating it as an engineering clean-up task, we reframed it as a product initiative. Together, we sized the impact from the customer, product, and business perspectives.
That framing energized Alex. He saw the initiative not just as engineering work, but as strategic impact. We delivered it as a team, reducing engineering time, simplifying maintenance, and freeing capacity. More importantly, we built trust.
With that trust in place, I was able to ask Alex for support in other areas, and he leaned in with confidence. What began as an onboarding moment became a long-term partnership.
The Outcome
The technical win was consolidating code bases, but the real outcome was the relationship. Alex shifted from a new manager with little strategy experience to a true partner in shaping our roadmap.
The framework—set expectations, understand motivators, achieve together—helped us build a foundation that carried forward into everything we did as a leadership team.
TL;DR (Audio-Ready Script)
Strong engineering–design relationships start with three steps: set expectations, understand motivators, and achieve together. When Alex joined my team as a new engineering manager, I made it clear he’d be part of strategy, not just execution. I took time to learn what motivated him—efficiency and scale—and together we identified a big initiative: migrating two code bases into one. We framed it as a product initiative, delivered it together, and built trust. The result was a stronger product, a more efficient system, and a lasting partnership.
Navigate-To Button TL;DR
How I built a strong partnership with a new engineering manager using a simple framework: set expectations, understand motivators, achieve together.
STAR Version (Bulleted)
Situation
- 2019: new engineering manager, Alex (not his real name), joined my team.
- My PM partner Nina (also not her real name) and I had bi-weekly strategy rituals.
- Alex had little prior exposure to product strategy—his focus had been execution.
Task
- Integrate Alex into our leadership trio.
- Build a strong relationship rooted in trust and strategy, not just delivery.
- Help him contribute meaningfully to product and design decisions.
Action
- Set expectations: made it clear Alex would participate in strategy sessions.
- Understand motivators: learned he cared deeply about efficiency and scale.
- Achieve together: identified a code base migration, framed it as a product initiative, and sized impact across customer, product, and business lenses.
- Delivered the initiative and built momentum for deeper partnership.
Result
- Migration reduced engineering time and simplified maintenance.
- Alex became motivated and engaged as a strategy partner.
- Trust deepened, and our leadership trio became stronger and more effective.